EP 13: Connecting to Ancestral Wisdom & Seasonal Approaches to living [PART 1]

Autumnal Equinox

It’s Harvest Time! Let’s “take an inventory” with these questions for pondering, or for use as journal prompts for my fellow writers!

  • Where am I right now? Compared to six months ago?

  • Remembering earlier this year at Springtime, what were my seeds of intentions?

  • Which seeds (goals, creations, wishes) have I tended to over the summer season? What has grown?

  • Now that it is Autumn, harvest season, what am I celebrating? What has changed, evolved?

  • What will I continue to cultivate, to nurture over the winter months? What will die, has come to completion?

  • How will I rest and restore during the winter season? Where can I lean in to a slower way of living?

28:15 Tarot card pull

CARD 1 “where have we been/recent past” Ace of Pentacles; CARD 2 “inventory/harvest/our check-in” King of Cups; CARD 3 “what is possible when we connect with ancestors and slow living” Two of Cups

EP 11: Being Present with the body after Friendship Conflict [PART 2]

“Who here is under-resourced?” - Lise Lønsmann

 

Welcome to the conversation!

Meet Lise Lønsmann, a trauma-informed somatic practitioner, somatic inner child healing facilitator and an embodied entrepreneurship mentor.

Lise supports her clients with somatic trauma healing and helps heart-led women entrepreneurs & creatives navigate business in deep connection with their body’s wisdom.

2:55 In our society as a whole, we are hyper focused on partnerships, and that is where we put “the work” and then FRIENDSHIPS are supposed to just work.

If there is conflict coming up, we do not know how to handle or navigate it because we have not been taught. When we show up with any sort of trauma, which a lot of us do, then that is going to be activated. It’s going to bring up trust issues, all of the old wounds, and things that actually have nothing to do with the situation.

4:10 Practicing being present with ourselves and with our friends is a profound practice, but it is not something that we are given tools for in our society or in our communities.

6:51 deeper roots in Patriarchy - it’s not a friendship problem, it’s not a conflict problem, it’s a systemic problem of us not learning to be in connection with our emotions, not learning to support each other, women not supporting each other.

7:24 the history of women turning on each other - the witch hunts, the generational inherited mistrust passed down from our grandmothers and mothers. How this is supportive to an imbalanced patriarchy, when women don’t trust each other.

9:50 being present with ourselves, being with our bodies, with our emotions, naming what is here - this is our strongest tool. It sounds simple, but it is a constant practice. Practicing being with ourselves is the first step of being able to be with others.

“I was able to experience messing up, and someone being gracious and kind to me.” - Kat D

12:24 friendships, where we experience the growth.

14:10 How to move kindly and open hearted through a conflict, Kat & Lise’s personal story of growth in their friendship.

16:20 Life happens, and we can feel, talk, and move through it together.

“Somatics has taught me to hold opposites. I can be hurt, and understanding. There is a flexibility in me where there used to be traumatic rigidity” - Lise

18:20 in partnerships we have more conversations around what we need, want, expect, but in friendships these conversations often don’t happen.

21:48 “Welcome to therapy!” all of our patterns come up in relationship (yes, friendship is relationship!); what do we expect from other women, what do we expect from mothers?

24:40 we’re not growing up with examples of how to be in friendship relationship, of how to communicate needs; manifesting a way to help future friendships with being authentic and intentional

“but let’s not normalize drama in friendships” - Lise

29:49 we have to learn and practice discernment in friendships; discernment can be challenging, especially when you have a background with gaslighting, manipulation, and other abuse; there can still be toxic behavior in friendships that we see in romantic relationships; impossible to move forward when the person is playing the victim role and refuses to take accountability or be self-aware;

32:48 the heartbreak when people are unwilling and unable to be in healthy relationship; when their words do not match their actions;

“We don’t learn how to feel safe with being vulnerable, again it comes back to patriarchy, which tells us to cut off our emotions and to never be vulnerable.” - Lise

36:00 communicating what we want, need from the friendship; the dark side - when you are clear with what you want and need, when you are vulnerable and authentic, when you are communicating perfectly, BUT the other person is wearing a mask and saying exactly what you want to hear, teasing you along, and your realize its all just talk, they’re words are not lining up with their actions and they are in fact not authentic or vulnerable like they were saying and talking to be

39:18 Lise is going to bottle up discernment and sell it! :D

39:49 when people have the best intentions, but they are incapable of being authentic & vulnerable. Fawning, people-pleasing, the martyr archetype, having to be all for all to earn love and approval, they’re good intentions come off as flakey-ness, dishonesty, and even being a “bad friend”

42:54 if you’re not nurturing your friendships, that is going to show up in your partnership; we are not taught to tend our friendships; we want to have whole lives, so we cannot have single focus, which in our culture is often the romantic partnership, rather than building our whole support system - this is why it is so vulnerable when a partnership falls apart

“You have to tend your friendships like you tend your garden”

44:40 it’s not about the thing that doesn’t work, it’s about where are you under-resourced? where have you not tended? the conflict, the hurt, that is just a symptom;

47:38 people listening are thinking, “I don’t have freaking time to nurture my friendships!” we are in survival mode and too tired to live full lives

50:09 how can we resource ourselves and the benefits of doing so; it’s a daily practice; the lie of the linear and the truth of being a cyclic being

55:28 when we experience the hurt in friendship; how are body responds; how can we return to being comfortable enough in our body again; the disorienting experience of trauma in the body and wanting to disconnect from it

57:50 when we are in this hurt state of dysregulation; is this a safe person and what does that even mean? is this someone who is willing and able to move forward with this relationship? do we need more support in doing so, like a womens circle or therapy? how resourced am I?

“Most of the work is resourcing ourselves” - Lise

1:04:00 this is a practice, we live in a world that makes it really hard to be present and to be in our body; shifting to an outlook that this is something we can do daily, we can connect with ourselves daily

Experience a somatic practice led by Lise Lønsmann - EP 12

BONUS: Unraveling Religious Trauma & #CompHet

In this BONUS Episode [that originally aired on the Unraveled Life podcast with @KelseyMech], I chat about the harm inflicted by patriarchal religion on a personal + societal level, & I share some of my own experiences & stories from my real life upbringing within organized religion.

 

You’ll hear about my experience growing up within a Church that encourages gay phobia & anti-queerness,

and the grief I have moved through recently (and am still processing) around Compulsory Heterosexuality and what that looks like for me.

I share about my experience in a narcissistic abusive relationship that began at age 19, and how leaving that marriage and life behind saved mine and my childs lives.

I teach practicable mindfulness techniques & awareness tools, and in this episode we’ll explore a few of my favorite and easy to do practices that you can begin at home, with an intention to reconnect to your Self, your body, and your hearts true desires.

 

EP 9: Being Present with the body after Friendship Conflict [PART 1]

“it’s a hot one!”

Welcome to the conversation! I am excited to bring this important & relevant topic to the show, and I cannot wait for you to hear [PART 2] where I explore this subject even deeper with my guest, Lise.

 

Have you ever experienced an uncomfortable confrontation in friendship circles, had to explain your disappointment to a bestie when they continually cancelled plans last minute (or completely forgot altogether), or otherwise been through some kind of friendship conflict?

Confrontation is scary! Especially when the person we are in relationship with is not capable of hearing us without becoming defensive, listing excuses and even adopting a “victim mindset” - therefore unable to take accountability or witness our experience along with their own.

“Experiencing a conflict in friendship can be disorienting.” Kat d

…it can bring up old wounds and past traumas (that may even be unrelated to this person or situation). It can be tempting to disconnect from the body, from the situation, from the present experience when our nervous system feels overwhelmed.

6:19 Journal Prompts for my writers & otherwise questions to ponder in the shower:

  • how can I know when I am disconnected from my body?

  • what does my body need to move this [emotion/experience/sensation] through?

  • how can I make this easier?

  • what restorative rest practice would support me the most right now?

21:52 tarot card pull

Wanting additional insight & support on this topic?

Check out what the cards have to say re: being present in the body after friendship-conflict,

including what blessings we may enjoy when we continue to practice being present with ourselves & with each other.

17:38 tuning-in to the body VS checking-out

(some examples)

-a long walk VS endless ruminating

-a Yoga Nidra VS either sleeping all day OR “powering through” with non-stop doing

-a supportive phone call to a safe/trusted person or to your therapist VS isolating

-a somatic practice VS ignoring pain, emotions, physical sensation, energy level, mood

-a nurturing snack & hydrating beverage VS ignoring hunger cues and physical needs

pause, breathe, notice

20:38 Resourcing ourselves

20:53 the practice of Being With

21:52 Tarot Card Pull, Fifth Spirit Tarot by Charlie Claire Burgess

CARD 1 Five of Pentacles; CARD 2 Strength; CARD 3 Nine of Cups

EP 8: Menstruating in a Western Culture [PART 2]

“You are not your period pain.” - Zara Seligson

 

Welcome to the conversation!

Meet Zara! A Period & Cycle expert, here to chat about the reality of menstruating in a Patriarchal Culture. ⁠⁠You can connect with Zara for 1-1 work and education, + claim your cycle tracker e-book here!

Zara likes to keep period tracking simple + practicable, and believes that it should be easeful to integrate this relevant information from your body into your daily life to better plan and schedule your work, play, and rest, as well as to better care for yourself. We also both believe that caring for yourself in this way will in return create the space to be better cared for by your community, furthering the healing that can happen in our society.

 
 

5:45 the spectrum of internalized period shame; 1990's marketing, commercials, and magazines and the messages we received about how we should feel/be/and do things while on our periods; expected to still behave "normally"; what we learn from our caretakers and family of origin;

10:28 the knowledge & intuition of being connected to our bodies VS all of the things that culture, family, religion have told us we should be/do/feel; feeling "bad" or even apologizing for being on your period, for needing to rest more, for needing to take a break or reschedule plans

14:50 the difference between apologizing for yourself VS a confident, calm informing of your needs; sharing & teaching VS reacting from repressed emotions; "I'll have to schedule the dinner party for the week after,"

"The more that we understand what's happening inside of us & what we need in relation to that, the more natural it is to express that to the people in our lives and who we interact with." -Zara

23:25 how to raise our sons and educate them on this important, relevant topic so that they are learning more than the crumbs they are misinformed by on TV; "the more educated that we become, that translates into the next generation."; the messaging from our mothers, coming down from their mothers, all the way through the generations and through any lines and filters of abuse; generational period healing; teaching the young people about their bodies

26:00 internalized body shame; the ironic experience of Church & Puberty; Cosmo & Seventeen magazine and the messaging we receive; the filter of abuse; the experience that abuse has on our relationship to our body; the body & energy body remember;

34:50 the way that trauma affects our cycles, our periods, and our entire bodies; the power of yoga asana (movement) & pranayama (breath work/breathing) to move things through; the possibility for a shift; it doesn't have to stay this way, relief is possible

36:48 a willingness to feel your own body; the disconnect from the body that so many women experience; resistance to being in the body

41:11 a society disconnected from their bodies; the fear of going to hell for using your finger to put a non-applicator tampon inside; the experience of puberty shame in religion; "it's not your body"; body is only for heterosexual marital sex and then only for reproducing; the extremism in religion re: womens bodies; Church and State and Men are in control of womens bodies; heavy religious messaging has an influence on our entire society and culture, not just on those who go to church; the dysfunction in healthy sexual relationships and healthy sexual encounters in our society due to this conditioning

50:00 menstruating in the corporate world; my patriarchal credit union environment, ran by my Mormon Bishop with the same set of standards and expectations on modesty, womens appearance, and behavior that the church holds;

"creating more equitable work places and environments is not idealistic" -Zara

53:40 period sex - what do you want?; need to re-cent ther convo around what people who menstruate think/feel/want re: period sex; "do what you want!"; orgasm can alleviate period cramps

59:00 "how can I teach others what I need/want at this time of my cycle?"

1:04:00 menstruating is only one phase of your cycle; bringing Zara back for a [PART 3] to explore our entire cycle

EP 6: Menstruating in a Western Culture [PART 1]

3:16 internalized period shame

5:00 proud period friends

5:51 "don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable" - talking in code, period.

 
 

7:00 a difference between being private & feeling shame; the patriarchal idea that something is wrong with us; married to a man and hiding all signs of bleeding; shame, shame, shame; don't let the men find any proof of menstruation (e.g. hiding the tampon/pad wrappers in the waste basket)

9:40 period sex

11:16 for those of us who were not taught to honor, love, or even like our bodies

12:00 "I'll be working from home this week, I'm menstruating."

13:12 how can I rest more during this time of my cycle?

15:30 reclaiming our periods

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: ⁠The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control - Katherine Morgan Schafler ⁠

EP 2: Resting in a Western Culture [PART 2]

Welcome to the conversation, Clem! A book, film, and musical enthusiast, sharing her experience as a mother living in a Western society...

3:09 Clem shares a bit about her professional life, working full time in a medical environment where she has been supporting cancer patients along their radiation journey for the last 11 years

3:45 How Clem & I met online in a virtual community [focused on slowing down and living seasonally]; we had both come to the realization that we were experiencing burnout and needing to learn a new way of living

5:39 When the world went into Covid19 Lockdown; the shock to the system; feeling postpartum, trapped at home with everyone but also missing community; collective grief; loss of community; grief from death; the many shades of grief; isolation; needing other women to connect with and have deeper conversations with, needing other mothers for support

9:20 Clem sharing about going back to work fulltime during the pandemic and the frightening unknown, staying available and working fulltime while the rest of the world is sheltering and hiding; staying vulnerable and open but also trying to stay safe and secure

(fast fwd to TAROT CARD PULL 40:14)

11:09 Circling with other women; "How are you really?" having space held for you and holding space in return; creating sisterhood and community online; feeling held; spaciousness and safety to be seen and heard

12:01 To notice what is no longer working and sustainable in our neighborhoods and communities and workspaces; having the opportunity to be faced with what is, and to have to sit with it [in lockdown], and to imagine a new way; things are crumbling down to be rebuilt, how can I rebuild differently?

"How can I be more natural and animalistic, and more seasonal in my rhythms?"

13:53 How are you living seasonally? The ways that we change in the Winter, and how can we embrace the darkness and slowness of winter? What does it look like to "live seasonally" and to embrace "slow living?"

15:35 Life after becoming a Mother, trying to "keep up the pace" even though our world is completely different post-baby; the pressure, the burnout and trying to do it all and be it all; the way that embracing seasonal living and our natural rhythms can bring ease and joy back to our lives

19:42 What was your relationship with REST as a child?

20:08 Clem sharing about her busy household growing up, the hustle she witnessed her mother in around the house with all four children; being an oldest child and the responsibility that comes with that; internalized frenzy; experiencing burnout as a child; letting our children be bored; overstimulation

"It is okay to REST."

22:10 Feeling guilty when not moving forward/achieving or being productive; feeling guilty sitting in the garden VS working in the garden; growing up in a Goal Driven society, having to have an outcome VS the process and the joy of it; "what are you even producing?" Always working for the next thing, the next academic achievement, the next certificate

GOAL DRIVEN VS PLEASURE DRIVEN

24:19 Clem's reaction to my sharing that my mother had six children over a twenty year span ;)

25:08 Kat D remembering the rush of anxiety that she woke up to as a child, feeling afraid like she was going to "miss out" on something if she did not rise and shine and hop out of bed promptly; the anxiety of laying in bed VS waking up and rushing to start the day

26:36 the magick of waking up before the children/the rest of the household

27:17 "I'm still learning how to rest! Maybe I shouldn't start a podcast about resting."

"It's a practice"

28:50 When we realize that it's not supposed to be this hard, it's not supposed to be like this, we're not supposed to be this isolated from our communities and neighbors

29:35 We are animals! All the ways our society has tried to turn us into robots as we forget our roots; trying to do motherhood the colonial, patriarchal way and finally realizing there is a better, intuitive way

EP 1: Resting in a Western Culture [PART 1]

Welcome to Ritualizing Rest,

an experiential podcast, dedicated to restorative practices & learning how to incorporate them into daily living - in a practicable way!

We'll practice MOVEMENT, BREATHING, and MEDITATION tools.

You'll hear relevant conversations re: REST and what that actually looks like in this Colonial, Capitalistic, and Patriarchal Society that does not value this essential human right.

We’ll discuss real-life topics, including the struggles, like how easy it is to feel “off center” or “disconnected” in this demanding Western culture.

We’ll explore, share, and practice ways that we can begin to reconnect to our true Selves, to our physical bodies, and how we can better understand our role in dismantling the constructs and systems that are no longer serving us and are in fact hurting us - individually and as a whole.